Dating Tips for Single Mothers

Attractive mother and son.

It is so difficult for single mothers to have the time to get out and meet someone who they can spend their life with.  Many men are not looking for a readymade family and this can cause some heartache for the single mothers who like them.  There are also scary true life stories of men who take over the father role in the household and then are abusive to the children.  This usually happens when the mothers allow the men into their lives without really getting to know them.  One of the issues this article will discuss in length is when it is appropriate to introduce the children to a new man.  With all these issues, it is a wonder any single mothers have the opportunity to find true love and to have a complete family.

Single Mothers Dating Tips

The following is a list of singles dating tips for single mothers that will make this time easier:

  • Finding a Qualified Babysitter
  • Feeling Guilty about Dating
  • Should You Tell Your Children’s Father you are Dating?
  • When to Introduce Your Children to Your New Man
  • Should He Move In and When?
  • When it Does Not Work Out

Finding a Qualified Babysitter

Once you have made the choice to start dating again, you really want to make sure your children are taken care of when you are out on dates.  If your children’s father is in their lives he may already have the children for visitation so you can have your date nights when they are with their father.  If not, then ask a family member or a trusted friend that your children already know and are comfortable with.  This gives you the assurance that the children are alright and you can relax and enjoy your evening out.  Make sure that you do keep your phone on during your date in case there are any issues with the children that you need to be aware of.  You can always ask your sitter to send a text message occasionally to let you know how the kids are doing to keep you updated.

Feeling Guilty

It is perfectly normal for you to experience feelings of guilt when you first start getting back into the dating scene.  You may feel like you are a bad mother for leaving your children or that you should not be out having fun while they are with someone else.  Everyone deserves some time for themselves including single mothers so learn to allow you to have that without feeling guilty.  You will find that it does get easier with time and that you are a much happier person and a better mother when get the opportunities to dress up and let yourself go once in a while.  At the end of the day it does your children good to interact with others besides you and if you trust your babysitter you know the kids are perfectly fine while you are out.

Should You Tell Your Children’s Father you are Dating?

A big issue for many single mothers is how their ex’s feel about them seeing another man.  This can be a touchy subject without a cut and dry answer.  Telling him about your dating depends on how your relationship is at the moment.  Does he still care about you?  Does he want to get back together with you or has he moved on?  If he still has feelings for you then you should not tell him you are dating until you are in a relationship that you know will be a lasting one.  If he is seeing other ladies and has no romantic interest in you anymore then certainly you can tell him your intentions.  He may even be willing to spend more time with the children in order to allow you some extra nights out.  This would be the ideal situation but as stated, this is truly a judgment call on your part.

When to Introduce Your Children to Your New Man

This is another huge issue for single mothers who want to get back into the dating scene, when your new man should meet your children.  You should never allow a man who you have only dated a couple of times to meet your children.  There should be a relationship established over a long period of time and one that you know is going somewhere that would constitute a commitment from both of you.  Causal dates should never be brought to your home unless the children are not going to be there.  The two main reasons for this are one, the man may be a predator who is looking for single mothers with children to exploit and two, your children may become attached and when the relationship ends, they are hurt.

Should He Move In and When?

If you have been with a man for a long period of time and if you love each other and have decided that you want to be in a long term relationship you may be thinking about living together.  Before you move him in, this is the time to introduce him to the children if you have not already.  Watch how he interacts with the children and how they respond to him.  If all seems well then it is perfectly normal to have him move in and to share your lives together.  Many may feel that marriage should come before this point but that is up to you and your own moral code.  Surely if you marry a man he would be living with you and children.

When it Does Not Work Out

So you met a great man and you fell in love, spent a good amount of time dating and he has met the children.  Then, for whatever reason, the relationship ends and you are left single again and you have the added burden of telling your children.  This can be a difficult time but if you are supportive and understanding of your children’s need to mourn the loss of your relationship, it can actually help you through the grieving process as well.  Allow your children to speak about the good times and let them know that they were not at fault in the break up.  Many times children feel that they did something wrong and that is why the father figure they loved went away.

Conclusion

It is never easy being a single parent and dating may seem light years away to you now but there may come a time when you want to put yourself out there again.  If you take these tips and use them when you decide to join a few singles dating sites and start gradually dating again then you can be assured of a smoother experience.  While this won’t help you to not get hurt, it can help your children from becoming attached to a person who is not staying in their life long term.  Your children are the most important part of the equation so you need to make sure that their safety comes first by having a good babysitter and by not introducing the children to your dates too soon.  And please remember that you are entitled to some happiness and joy in your single life and you do deserve to have some time that is devoted to just pleasing you, but do keep the password to the dating website safe, and your computer locked up 🙂

Tags: , ,